Hey it’s Tracy and welcome back to my channel and today I’m gonna share with you just really have a chit chat with you about my health and wellness journey and as requested a little bit more about my story as a dancer and what that looked like so if you’re interested in watching that and learning all about my journey please keep watching and if you’re new to my channel, hello I’m Tracy I put out brand new fitness wellness and lifestyle videos every single week so it would mean the world to me if you would subscribe to my channel and for every one there’s a little bell icon right next to that subscribe button make sure to click on that so you know every single time I have a brand new video go live so let’s get started in this health and wellness journey so it really does start with my dancing I started ballet when I was in I think first grade and it was because my best friend at the time took ballet and she was my best friend and I loved her so I was like I want to take ballet because Amy takes ballet so I asked my parents you know I my sister didn’t take ballet classes there was no one else really my family that was taking ballet but I was like I want to take ballet so I’m really gonna try and find pictures to place in here because my very first ballet recital so I took ballet I remember like once a week when I was little and I so little so talk now I remember holding on to the bar and I literally remember being little and the bar being ahead of me and like having straight arms holding on to a bar so it’s kind of funny but I remember I was very upset because my very first ballet recital I wanted to wear pink I mean the reason why I was taking ballet is I love pink and I wanted to be pretty and you know be like a fairy princess and my first ballet recital I was cast as a witch so my little group of my age group we had black tutus and I remember my parents taking pictures and I was like in my front yard like with my costume on and my big you know black witch hat I was just pissed you know what I was five or six years old so it’s pretty funny um so you know took ballet all throughout you know had yearly ballet recital all of that and then from about 11, 12 years old that’s when I started getting more serious about ballet I started taking it more I started doing summer program so you know it became really a stronger part of my life and that was also kind of in the time when I started noticing the other ballet dancers in the company because there would be adults and you know you’d always look up to these other women that were a little bit older than you that were in the company and I started noticing their bodies and I started noticing how tiny they were because the ballet world and I you know always had just big muscular legs that I have and I was you know and I was small but I definitely had these big legs that I called watermelon thighs so that was around the time that I started having some body dysmorphia and starting to you know think that there was something wrong with my body so I always was very influenced by the media I remember there were you know commercials for like diet programs and diet pills and things like that and I was influenced by that so I would you know create little health plans for the girls in my neighborhood I mean you see what I’m doing for a living and basically what I’ve always wanted to do and give them little makeovers but I was definitely influenced by that sort of diet mentality I was you know ten years old what did I know at that point and I wasn’t telling them you know it was like we were pretending was like play-acting oh that’s a but around that eleven, twelve year old that’s when I started you know really thinking that my body was wrong so I started going down the dieting route at that point I would just do whatever I could to lose weight so you know they told me to only eat five if you know different kinds of food during the day that’s what I would do this went on and I would get limited results you know I mean lose a few pounds or I could see the difference and then I would you know get hungry and I want to eat more so than I was like binge eating everything that I could especially candy and she was definitely definitely my drug of choice I would go to the library and check out nutrition books so it was like this kind of you know I was towing the line because I was really interested in health and wellness and nutrition there was always this calling for me to want to better myself and to live my best life and to really learn as much as I could from a very very young age and at the same time at that point in my life it was it was really fueled by because you’re not good enough because your body is not good enough so I hope that you can understand sort of the feeling here so I would go to the library I would check out health and nutrition books diet books you know anything I could I started working out in the morning before going to school so like I’m a kid you know like it is sixth grade and I’m setting my alarm for in the morning my parents are still sleeping and they’re coming and seeing me doing like aerobics or whatever and there were like workout program so I always had this passion but the fuel underneath it was because I was always comparing myself to others as well it was like this weird energy that I was in so that went on for a while and then by the time I got to high school that’s when the dieting really really started getting intense in the dancing part of the journey in high school I started getting really more serious and so around eighth grade actually I started doing like summer ballet performances with the adult company they would always have like some you know children in their performances and I would was doing that and then but from the time I was a freshman when it was Nutcracker season which you know ballet at all you know the Nutcracker is like a big yearly event and see you Nutcracker event basically any city in the world that you’re in so I was actually really cool I was able to go on tour with the ballet company that I was training with so it was a really amazing opportunity so I did that ninth grade tenth grade and 11th grade I did do it my senior year and what was really neat about that is you know it gave me that experience of really being in a professional at a really young age so I would you know on tour and you know in the core so that just means like if it’s in the group pieces with adults that like this was their full-time job it was pretty awesome and it’s also kind of cool because it allowed me to not go to school you know during those months so basically from like November you know it’s the last two months of the beginning part of the year I was basically to go on it was just on tour and so my assignments were to give it to me and obviously I had permission here’s the other really neat if you’re watching this that was when I actually started moving a lot better at school I was always a good student but I started doing like honor roll and getting like all A’s it was because I could just kind of do it on my own time which was really it worked for me no surprise I’m an entrepreneur right and some so that was you know that was in that period of time that was also when the dieting got crazy evil you can imagine because this was basically my job and I was basically kind of like a professional child at least during that season so you know my body was on display I was standing around these tiny little ballet dancers and I just felt like what am I doing here so I would eat as little as possible I started taking diet pills I mean I would make up my own crazy plans I would sometimes feel like I was gonna like pass out it was really bad but none of it could stick for me I I would you know be okay like it’d be good for like maybe two or three days and then again it would be that cycle of like up failure you know candy binge started all over I mean Journal after Journal after Journal was my weight what I ate you know how much I sucked why I was like out of control and like I’ll start again on Monday I’ll start again that was years and years and years so that went on then I went to college so I went to school I went to one semester to a school and they didn’t really have a very good dance program I mean it was okay but I was basically from a freshman I was like one of the best dancers and I think I really work well if I’m the underdog so I was like this is gonna work for me so then I left and my parents were not very happy I’m someone you might not know this but I actually quit college so I went for one semester I quit college I have never shared this before on Youtube, I’m gonna there I was singing in a reggae band and I quit college, my parents wanted to ring my neck and I moved up to Key West Florida yeah 18 years old it’s not good times actually it’s actually terrible times for me but that’s what I did with my boyfriend at the time and his band you know it was a crazy time that’s a whole other video so I did that and then I ended up moving back to Massachusetts and when I came back to Massachusetts after a few months I still wasn’t in school but I started teaching dance and I started you know working with a dance company that was kind of known more for modern dance and I never really you know officially done any modern dance except for when I went to college that one semester I loved it and just felt so much more natural for me so I started teaching dance I started you know teaching but I talked from like four years old till you know 16, 17 years old so I taught all ages, I actually love teaching and then I knew I wanted to go back to school so my the woman I was working for at the time she was kind of a mentor at the time she helped prepare me with a sola to go to my University so I went to SUNY Purchase the conservatory State University of New York and purchase and they have a great great dance program and so I went there and I started this in the middle of the year which is weird and the dancers were really good and I felt really not good and again it brought up a lot of this body stuff because I felt so unsure of what I was doing and I was in this new place and I started in the middle of the year so I started restricting my food more and more and again that cycle of you know dieting binge eating dieting binge eating went on and it was probably the worst ever my freshman year when I was at purchase because you know things felt really really out of control in a terrible relationship it was not a good relationship and so and then on top of that like new school new people around me, alot of pressure I didn’t feel like I knew I was doing it all so it got much much worse for me so much so that I was really not sure even if I had an eating disorder so here’s the other thing this is important for you to hear..did I have an eating disorder? I mean I definitely had disordered eating I certainly was not anorexic but I was you know definitely restricting food a lot I was not bulimic but I definitely binge ate so there was a lot of that body dysmorphia going on so you know it’s important to hear but I never received treatment or anything I did go to a therapist once at school because I knew I was just out of control I knew I needed some help and she was like you are basically like a failed bulimic we make so two things happen in that conversation number one I knew she was not the therapist for me because I thought that choice of words was pretty poor but I also just knew okay you know there’s got to be a better way I went through college you know back and forth a lot of you know self-hate with the body you know just thinking this was normal this was just a normal way that you know I would be with my body and I thought just when you’re a woman this is how you are because that was so much around me my friends were dancers I had so many friends over dancers and actors because I was going to like creative school and you know our looks and our body really meant everything, so I just thought that was normal so then okay then I graduated University and you know my goal was to get into a dance company so I auditioned for a company that I really wanted to work with I always wanted to work with a very small company that I could really grow with and I’ve got down to like the final four you know and we were hiring two people and I ended up not getting a job and then cut to like about three months later they ended up hiring me so I worked with this dance company still it was great there were a modern dance company they were amazing I’ve worked with them for gosh like about five years and then you know just kept on with the cycle of you know dieting and selfie and all of that stopped when I was 29 and I went to Italy and I just decided you know what no more I really really cannot do this dieting thing anymore so I ran out of battery perfect timing though so I at 29 I went to Italy and I hadn’t been to Italy since I was kid and I was super super excited my friends you know was like oh we’re gonna go and have such a great time and I my immediate thought was like oh my god what am I gonna do because I was so afraid about the food because I knew it was gonna be all the pasta and pizza and gelato and pastries and you know cheese meats and all these things right that I definitely wanted to take advantage of but I was like how the heck can I do that you know I don’t want to go and not eat all of these amazing things you know so I was really kind of like freaking out a little bit so I did what I always did which was I went on a crazy you know crash diet before I went which I obviously failed you know I but diet fail diet fail that was that was the cycle that I knew for years and years and years and then I remember being on that flight to Italy and I was like…no more.
I am not going to do this anymore. I didn’t know I didn’t know what that was going to feel like and I just didn’t know at that point that was also around that time that I decided that I didn’t think I wanted to be a dancer anymore I think I actually actually don’t mind a little bit but I around 25 I started not knowing if I wanted to dance anymore I just felt like no one really cared about it so then I was already at that point like kind of not really dancing as as much of was really my focus I was saying no to some things and you know what’s it like my huge focus anymore and I started teaching Pilates mat classes. I was teaching Pilates already and this time that’s important so yeah so on the fight to Italy I was journaling I don’t know what this is gonna look like I’m gonna left have it but I can’t do this anymore and I just I just need to stop so I completely stopped and I just let myself enjoy the food I ate fresh fruit fresh vegetables you know when those were coming in from the farms each day with me as a I you know drinking wine every night I ain’t pasta sometimes two times a day you know I if I wanted a gelato I would have gelato you know like I you know yogurt in the morning and fresh fruit or maybe I would have a pastry like a little cornet dough but my point is like I completely just enjoyed myself and my thought process is really like just enjoy yourself now and you’ll deal with it when you get home but the coolest thing was because I wasn’t into all of this like fear because I wasn’t so stressed out because I wasn’t restricting and giving my body the message that this food is bad and this is what you should fear I lost weight on the trip.
I felt better than I ever had. I felt at peace, I felt comfortable in my body and I was like wow you know and really neat thing was I was at the beach in Italy, I was at this little beach town they go to all the time and I was able to watch these women and how they carried themselves all ages all sizes and it was so inspiring to me so I just feel like everything has changed in this moment now nothing was the same because it just like brought out all of this dolce vita you know for me I’m just like I want this I want this how can I create this so that you know that trip really you know his teaching Pilates at the time but it really brought up this like how can I keep these results that I have you know gotten for myself yeah teaches results and keep the feeling for myself and you know keep that while I’m in New York and keep it like no matter where I am in the world no matter what I’m doing so that basically spawned you know me testing and you know trying and and you know just learning, re-learning how to eat how does how to you know become friends with my body and I’d love to say again but it was really for the first time ever.
I mean from the time I was like 10 I didn’t like my body even probably when I was that age I was probably looking at the other girls and comparing myself so it was amazing and once I really mastered that, then I started you know really immersing myself in education you know I got my life coaching certification I it was a personal trainer I you know got my health coaching certification I was just really like I’d like just soaking in all this information and just you know it made such a difference for me and I knew once I had a few years and had really invested the time and in learning and you know how this was all working for me I knew that that was my mission to really share with others so I really thank you for watching this I feel like this is super long and kind of windy video but it’s been requested so thank you for requesting it and yeah that’s basically been my journey my journey of dance my journey with with my body and really healing that and then how I became a trainer and a health coach and now you know a lifestyle and wellness coach.
So um I really thank you. Thank you you know who are being here because if it wasn’t for you you know I wouldn’t know what to do I wouldn’t I wouldn’t be able to make the impact that I’m really called to make in the world which is helping women like you all over the world stop this dieting cycle to stop hating their bodies and to really step into our fullest power and our fullest expression as women you know it’s never about the way it just never is it’s never about the size of your waist never about the size of your thighs it’s always so much more than that it really really
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